The hardest thing that I have ever done

The hardest thing that I have ever done.....

It wasn't gradating high school or college....
It wasn't being pregnant....
It wasn't labor or delivery....
It wasn't endless sleepless nights with a newborn....

It was giving up...
It was letting go....
It was finally admitting to myself that things wouldn't change--that I couldn't change them...
It was discovering who someone really was and who they were just pretending to be....

I used to think that I was just a quitter. I could make this work! IT HAS TO WORK! It wasn't all up to me. No matter how much I willed it, I couldn't change who a person really is. I couldn't MAKE someone care. Nothing I did was enough. I finally quit. I finally let go of the way I thought things should be and accepted how things really are. And it was really hard.

I can't wait to move back to Atlanta and be with my real friends who aren't just friends with me through fair weather-and my family who cares about me even though they warned me about him and I didn't listen.

I'm tired of the gov and school boards blaming teachers for low test scores. Yes, I could understand doing that if a certain teacher had significantly lower scores than the other teachers-its probably the teacher's fault. But when an entire schook is underacheiving, hke can it really be every teacher's fault? I can gaurantee that if you took all of the highest performing teachers and out them in a school like mine, the scores would be pretty much the same.

When will parents be held accountable? Maybe they're not learning because they have never been taught how to be respectful and how to work hard. The kids come and are uncontroable terrors in the classroom to the point where im spending the whole class time trying to get them to shut up and pick up their pencils. When that finally happens, half the class would rather stare at their desks than actually replace some of that air in their heads with something useful. Forget about having parental support-i have had a parent tell me that from 7 to 3 their kid is my problem and she doesnt want to hear about it. Maybe theyd want to hear about if their food stamps and welfare checks depended on the kid's behavior and test scores.  Im not sayjng they have to pass or no food stamps but what about truancy and getting into fights? Or blatantly doing NOTHING. All of these kids would pass if they tried. I know its extreme but it might work. And I know there are downsides but I cant think of another option right now.

Go ahead, keep firing teachers. Then no one will want to teach. Then Georgia really will be the dumbest state in the country.

Sigh

I hate how relevant this song is to my life right now....

We're driving slow through the snow on 5th Avenue
And right now radio's all that we can hear
That we ain't talk since we left, it's so over due
It's cold outside but between us

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here
[I Hate This Part Right Here Lyrics On http://www.elyricsworld.com/ ]
Everyday, 7 takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now 'fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you

The world (the world) slows down (slows down)
But my heart beats fast right now
I know (i know) this is the part
Where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothing's wrong
But there is no more time for lies
'Cause I see sunset in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

That I gotta do it,
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it
I hate this part
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it

I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here !!!!

Haven't done this in a while....

After going back and reading my previous posts, I have come to the conclusion that I really only blog when I am really really mad or annoyed about something, when I cannot sleep, or when I am extremely happy about something.

To be honest, I don't feel like I can be 100% honest on this blog. Maybe I should start a new one that no one knows about? I suppose I care too much about the feelings of others. There are a lot of things that annoy be about people that I know would cause some tension in my daily life if those people were to read my blog. I registered for a tumblr which I know none of my friends know about but that site is just too darn hard to navigate! I cannot figure out how the heck to do or find anything!

Well, here I am fitting into one of my three reasons to blog: it's late, I can't sleep and I'm bored. I am sure if I just put down the laptop and laid here in the dark I would fall asleep...eventually. That would be too easy...I would much rather feed my boredom than my sleepiness I guess!

Quite a bit has happened in Catherine-land actually! You are looking at your newest High School Math Teacher!!! Yep, got a job without hardly trying. I really wasn't applying to actually get a job! I just wanted to apply for the experience of applying for a teaching job and (if i got the interview) interview practice. Well, it turns out they really liked me and the rest is history! I wasn't planning to teach this soon but it really just FELL into my lap! I hope I am ready!

This summer, Michael has been in Atlanta while I am in Statesboring. It has been a long stressful summer! I really just want my space heater (aka Michael) to come home! I am glad that he is able to spend some time with his family and make some money..he wouldn't be doing much of either down here in the Boro.

Hulu Plus has finally snaked me in! I am not even sure what parts are exclusive to hulu plus or what parts are for everyone, even non-paying people but I do know that I don't want to find out! I will now be paying $8 a month for a service I am not even sure about what I am getting. I did discover my newest obsession, Modern Family, while browsing through Hulu.

I think I am going to try to post more regularly and for more reasons than just my regular three. We'll see how long that will last!

Ugh STRESS!

I just don't know if I am going to survive these next 3 and a half weeks! Among a couple more tests and finals, I have a 2 huge projects and endless homework! All I want to do is go to sleep and wake up on May 14th!

I am so stressed out but I am trying not to let that stress seep into the only free time I actually have! I want to enjoy my free time not let all the other junk bother me!

Michael is moving back home for the summer :( I am really happy for him because he will be making a lot of money and getting some crucial experience in the "Law" world! On the other hand, I am super sad that we will be living 3 and a half hours away from me for three months! At least he is going to try to visit as much as possible and I will try to go to Atlanta as much as possible too! We do have two vacations to go on together as well.

As of today, I have begun my application to be a math teacher in Bulloch County. I am not sure at what shcool this position is but I think it will be at Statesboro High School. I am worried they will shrug me off because I am not officailly certified.I emailed the person in charge of certification for Bulloch County and hopefully I will hear from her soon!

The stress from school has really put a damper on our relationship but I really thing that we have gotten past all that mess now and we are happy as can be now :) More to come!

Frustration

Today, or this week rather, has been very stressful and frustrating.

Somehow, I have managed to get myself scheduled for a grand total of 49 hours of work. Did I mention that I also have three tests this week on top of actually attending class. Luckily, 8 of those work hours could be used towards studying. If the tutoring center is not busy, then I can do my own work while not tutoring. That is hardly the case. Tonight I have had non stop "customers" thus getting almost nothing done.

One of my tests is done for the week, thankfully, and 27 of my 49 hours of work are done. I am not super concerned about my Econ test tomorrow. Yes, I got a 79 on the first test, but I actually intend to study for this one! It is easy material, just a matter of reviewing. I also have homework due tomorrow that counts for 20 points of my Friday's test. I guess you could say it's a "take-home" test. There are eight problems and I am on number 2. Each one takes about 30 minutes to do...

When I am stressed out, the number one thing that I want to do is sleep. Most people LOSE sleep on finals week--I get the most sleep of my semester that week! I really just want to go home and go to sleep and worry about it in the morning!

That's the stressful part of my life...now for the FRUSTRATING PART.

As any Georgian college student is probably aware, the fate of HOPE Scholarship is a little shaky. The general plan right now is to up the GPA requirements for eligibility. I think that is fair. After all, it is a SCHOLARship. It should be based on merit. Most Georgians have become complacent with the 3.0 and now they are in an uproar that the MERIT is being raised. Maybe people should work harder for their money. I may not like that it is going up, but it is 100% fair.

So I am sitting in the tutoring place minding my own business when I hear one student talking to another saying "well my parents told me that them democrats want to make it so if your parents collectively make over a certain amount then you aren't eligible for HOPE."

SINCE WHEN is HOPE a need-based scholarship. Last I knew, a scholarship was something earned as an achievement, not because you need it. You should HAVE to work for it!

What happens if a student's parents make over set limit but do not support that student at all. What about non-traditional students who are married or are no longer in the care of the parents? Should their merit and hard work be dismissed just because their parents make money, of which the student benefits none?

For example, my dad does not pay my tuition but he makes over the amount that would qualify me for the Pell Grant.

WHATS THE WORST is that this student in the tutoring center was completely agreeing with his parents and when I asked him what those students whose parents make too much but don't offer any money should do, his response was, "tough luck, they can get student loans." Why can't those less merited students get loans? Why should the harder workers and higher achievers have to get loans while those with lower grades and may/may not work hard get the free handouts?

After that, I had to ignore him. I was not about to cause a scene. It was very frustrating.

Maybe my next blog will be a little happier....

Oh Walgreens......

I think one day I might hire a writer (because I talk/write in long complex run-on sentences that only I can decipher) to write a book for me all about Walgreens.

It will have the attitude of something like Chelsea Handler's books or Tucker Max's books (I want to read his new one actually!). Each little chapter would be a day in the life of a Walgreens employee. Only the interesting or funny or frustrating days would make it into the book, of course!

I mean seriously, is the whole world this stupid or is there some invisible wall that customers walk into when they enter the store that makes them completely unable to think or use common sense.

For example, Snuggies are "in" this year....again.... so of course, we sell out of all the "cool" colors and are left with only the ugly bruise purple snuggies and the UGA snuggies. A customer asks me if there are any more snuggies so I show her where all of the snuggies we have left are and tell her, "here they are. These are the ONLY snuggies we have left." She looks disappointed but I just walk away to let her wallow about how her step great uncle's son-in-law isn't going to get the color snuggie he wants.

About 10 minutes later, she walks up to me with a tye-dye snuggie and says, "Do you think you could look in the back for another one of this pattern?"

I took a deep breath so I wouldn't come across bitchy and RE-explained to her that those were the only ones. SERIOUSLY, did she not believe me or something?

Another think I wonder (but probably hope to never see for myself) is how some of these people's houses look!

Do they take their milk out of the fridge and then just leave it on the other side of the kitchen because they don't want to walk back to the fridge?

Do they miss the toilet seat and then just leave it there for the next family member or guest to find?

Do they hold up a shirt from their drawer, decide not to wear it, and just throw the shirt wherever it is most convenient?

I hope, for their sake, that they don't do these things at home. Why must they do it here? Do they think we have elves that clean up every night? I know I get paid to do it but honestly, I was hired to be a cashier and process photos not to be Walgreens' maid.

I seriously could write this whole book in this post right now but I will spare you.

Other than Walgreens, life is great! haha

The more I work at Walgreens, the more glad I am that I am about to graduate and get a real job. It's weird to think that a lot of people I work with consider this their real job. Hm..

Until next tim....